Summer is approaching, and many people are looking forward to spending vacation time with family and friends — or not. While vacationing with loved ones can be fun and relaxing, it can also be a source of stress and even dread. These feelings come up often when a couple schedules time with one partner’s family or circle of friends. There’s an assumption that the other partner should just “fit in,” and enjoy the events as much as his/her significant other. But, that’s not always the case, and when it’s not the case it can result in a full-blown argument.
If you have a vacation or event planned with your own family or friends, invite your partner to tell you how he/she really feels about going. Unless you extend this invitation, he/she may just suffer in silence — and wallow in resentment. Allow them to express that they’re feeling either lukewarm or downright cold about the upcoming activities. No need to get defensive; their feelings are their feelings, and nothing you say or do will change them. However, together you might be able to come up with a plan that would make the vacation or event more tolerable for the reluctant partner. Agree to “look out” for one another. Have a signal — a raised eyebrow, a subtle gesture — that would tell the other that you’re getting uncomfortable, and need to be “rescued.” And then, follow through with a rescue. Walk up to your partner, take their arm gently, and say, “Let’s go for a walk,” or “It’s hot out here; let’s get out of the sun” — whatever you can think of that would give your partner an easy exit from the stressful situation.
Stay on the same team and tell each other, “I’ve got your back” as you plan activities that are potentially uncomfortable or stressful for one of you. If you do this, you may even find that both of you were able to relax and have fun!
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